1) they said YES to dakota's IVF!! woo hoo! we are gearing up...
ok, it won't look the way it was *supposed* to, dakota's eggs will be fertilized and then frozen instead of snuggled in me right away :(
*because they will not approve ivf for me at this juncture, we can not afford do the transfers to me right now
2) we are taking advantage of my being benched from ivf to medicate me for my infertility (wonky, headstrong, non-schedule following ovulation) and do an IUI this cycle... and i guess we will keep doing IUIs till i hit the 6 *failed* IUI mark [really hoping we don't hit that mark - if we do it will be 11 tries with no babies between us] and then once i am there, they should allow me IVF...
of course we hope to get a BFP doing one of these IUIs and then we hold dakota's embryos for baby #2. if we do NOT get a BFP, we pull embryos out of me to freeze and switch over to dakota's embryos [cause we can, and if we have not had a kid yet, we might as well go back to our original and preferred plan of her bio baby being first.]
3) so, it seems that i am hyper sensitive to every drug (and most plants, and dust, and perfume - well you get the picture) EXCEPT clo*mid. who knew?
NOTHIN' it did not raise my estrodil one drop, it did not make big honkin' follicles and most importantly it did not speed things along, putting me on a predictable ovulation launch pad... as a matter of fact, my follicles look as they always do (which luckily is not so bad i have one that is 11mm and some others on the other side that are smaller and i have a week, maybe more to go before i am close to ovulating. my body completely ignored the clo*mid. i had NO side effects from the clom*id - which again, shocked me immensely being a canary and all, so i am not surprised it didn't work.
i have to go back in to check the follicles on friday (they will NOT be ready, i know my body better than the docs) and then again on monday and possibly there will be an IUI on tues or wednesday (i suspect it will be later). i guess the IUI will look just like if i had done no drugs - fine with me, but a bit of a disappointment for our doc... she really wanted to see my ovaries doing the clo*mid dance. she is a sick woman ;) no, i do realize that one unmedicated average size juicy follicle is not as *good a bet* as several super juicy follicles hopped up on clom*id... this is where the vestiges of my being proud that my body marches to the beat of its own drum start to show... i know that is crazy given that i am paying our RE to make my body do something different namely to make me conceive against the ridiculous odds, and sooner rather than later given my age.
i ask you, do we have to choose between being proud of our bodies and the wonder that they are capable of and believing that our bodies are less than? not able to leap tall buildings, broken, failed, sick? and are waiting for a RE in shining armor to get our kitty out of the damn tree?
4) vacation... we are on vacation and it is the best thing ever!
we have work schedules that would be great for two people who DON'T like each other - think *co-existing* as opposed to *mad about you baby*! soooo, we are in paradise with a whole 8 days of each other's company right here in brooklyn... dakota rocks my world, did i mention that? we have had a couples massage, eaten out many times at great local places, slept in, gotten up early for no reason, had pedicures, discussed baby names, went to doctor's office and DIDN'T worry about how damn long it was taking, had several delicious sexy moments (so far) in bed and out ;) had a day where we went nowhere and did nothing, have had *mad at you* moments and the time to explore and resolve them all without three days of at-odds timing between things, meet the babypants gals - totally delightful in person as well as in blogland... and we have 3 days left, oh vacation!
5) our kitties, yes we still have them ;) are going in next wednesday to get spay/neutered (my dad says you shouldn't call it fixed - the cat is not broken and maybe he wanted to keep his balls ya know. it was hard on my dad in a house full of girls - me, my sister and my mom - when the only other male, the cat, got his balls *removed* poor dad!) that in and of itself would not be all that news worthy except that wednesday may well be the SAME day that i am having my IUI and the weird fertility karma of that is not lost on me ;)
6) maybe it is not asthma? the meds do not work for me - i have tried them all, in various configurations... what DID work was the massage... the woman who did it is very skilled and i talked with her a lot about the breathing problems i have been having and she did some REALLY painful work on my back, in the connective tissue between my ribs and various other places that have multiple muscles connecting and are places where adhesions were clearly formed and on that table, i could breathe fully for the first time in months! it was shocking! it lasted a couple days and is tightened back up at this point. i talked with my doc and we are going to explore the muscular/skeletal possibilities for a bit before we go deeper down the pulmonary diagnostic route... he says that there may be something to this given that the respiratory meds have been so unhelpful. strange! i will keep exploring it all... maybe it is a combination of things, who knows... i do know it is very uncomfortable and sometimes quite painful. i have another session with the massage gal on saturday. thanks to all of you who have given me support on the asthma front. it has helped me not to panic about what is going on and the keep trying to figure it out.
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