Saturday, July 19, 2008

anxious, unsettled, impatient - or - how to spend two weeks in sunny california

i am finding it really hard to be in CA this week. our events are going well, though i am distracted. did i mention that i am *responsible* for producing our events?? turns out it is much harder to do while distracted.

in my last post i talked about the shift i have been making in my community organizing and the ways that i am finding it unsettling, even as i know it is what i want to do... a big part of my distraction this week and one source of the unsettled feelings is because i made a significant shift right before i took off for CA and resigned from major duties. once you do that kind of thing, word moves fast and i have been trying to reach by phone several people i am close to, to let them know ''in person'' before they hear the news some other way. (hard, but so far very lovely conversations.) i am anxious now in my down time - instead of relaxing - and am having a dog of a time negotiating the 3 hour time difference and the long hours of events. i keep missing people.

on top of all of that:
- i REALLY miss dakota (it was only two weeks between my two CA trips and she had to work late most of the days i was home) and i miss my roommate shenandoah too!
- i am feeling impatient, we thought we were going to do our first ivf cycle in august, but now it looks like it might be more like september cause our accupuncturist wants more time to create good egg health (we just started accupuncture)
- my last cycle was *60 days* and they think i ovulated somewhere in there, but my monitor lost track of it along the way (a first) so i thought i hadn't ovulated, but the blood tests said otherwise

am hoping that writing this all down will help easy the anxiety... but, even if it doesn't. now you all are with me in it ;)


butterflyanla said...

Hang in there my new bloggy friend. I hope your time away from your loved ones is short and productive. Wishing you good egg quality!

Anonymous said...

I am sorry you are having such a hard time being away from home. I was hoping that it would help time fly for you. I am hoping for excellent egg health and I hope september comes fast for you.