Thursday, August 28, 2008

another plan bites the dust... but, wait there is a new one up our sleeves

hi all, it has been a long couple weeks. as dakota said in her last post we have been contemplating our next moves. i saw our RE on wednesday (wow, that was yesterday!) dakota and i talked all night last night about which way to go now.

i went in wednesday because i thought i would do my regular day2 bloods etc cause even though we had no fricken clue what to do next, but hell, doesn't EVERY protocol start with blood and u/s? ...while i was sitting waiting for the blood gal to take my blood i had such a sad gonna cry face on that she said, why don't we have you talk with dr X in case you don't need to be doing bloods (he is the one doc in our practice i don't know and that dakota hates) i said, more pathetically than intended, but i don't even KNOW him! she took another look at me and then asked me which one was my doc and hunted her down (even though she was not supposed to be on bloods and u/s that day) and got me in to see her. i love this blood lady!

my RE and i then got a chance to talk about my denied case and the fact that dakota's case has been in front of the insurance company now for a week+ and they have not said anything yet. the insurance company is waiting for her FSH for this month (even though they have a pile of her #s already). it is possible they will deny her case as well... our RE said she would not be surprised. aaarrrrgh! we have plans to fight that one tooth and nail.

when looking at my case, our RE was so pissed that they said i have *no documentation* of infertility since that was *her diagnosis* in november of 07, that and anovulation and that given my age, they should not be telling me i need to try and fail more times before they allow ivf, that said - they CAN say anything they want and every day the cases are harder and harder to win with the insurance. I enjoyed her rage on our behalf, and always appreciate her grasp of the realities. SO, she hunted down the insurance lady, chatted her up and then called me in to her office again and we looked at alternatives...

we decided that we will *treat* my ovulation problem - i started cl*omid on wednesday (i occasionally have cycles where i miss, and when i do ovulate, it is on no predictable schedule, which being a stubborn ornery gal i kind of took a crazy pride in and insisted on going au natural in my first IUI attempt). our RE thought that this plan would both help my future case (we are treating for infertility/anovulation) and if we shoot for doing an IUI this cycle while we are waiting for dakota's case decision, we might get lucky and get pregnant (which would be great to say the least), and at the very least we are getting me closer to meeting the ivf pre-requirements.

if we get pregnant, we would harvest and freeze dakota's embryos for baby #2 and if we don't get pregnant doing this cycle's IUI, we can re-asses and either do a frozen transfer of dakota's embryo (if she gets approved) or keep doing IUIs till we get me to an approved place.

this might seem like a no-brainer to some of you, but the order of our children (biologically) is something we have considered heavily. there are many reasons that we want dakota's bio-baby to come first *especially* if i am carrying it (largely related to marking our family as coming from both of us) and this shakes that all up. having our family is the most important thing, but it was important for us to talk through and take some time to have our responses to the change. there is so much to say on this i feel like it could be many posts in and of itself.

i worry still that there would be immense disappointment for dakota (i can't even imagine her having resentment), particularly since she started years before me and feels she has *not completed* her duty? task? quest? to produce a child. it pains me so... her pain i find so hard to bear. unlike mine, i can not refuse to feel it.

i mostly know that a new plan is good, it is forward movement...

more as it unfolds,

mulberry

ps - i am so sad in knowing that pufferfish is suffering with a likely ectopic pregnancy.

8 comments:

halfadozen said...

I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this. Its just so unfair. So incredibly unfair. It sounds like you have some good allies there at your RE office and that should make life much easier and certainly more pleasant.

All the stuff about creating a bio family is so coplicated. All the feelings, emotions, dreams-- there is so much at stake. So much involved. I know how hard it must be for you guys to face all this right now and I am sending oodles of strength and big hugs...

insertmetaphor said...

Oh wow, I'm so sorry you're going through all this insurance hell - that's not what you need. It is so unfair (that's my word of the day, I think - unfair) and just stacked on oodles of unnecessary stress and complication. I'm glad you're going through this together with Dakota - you can lean on each other.

babypants said...

I am happy to hear you have a plan up your sleave. I am sorry to hear though that this new plan changes your concept of your family so radically. I hope that you both are able to come to some peace with that. I am thinking of you both. xo L.

Sarah said...

That is so maddening and unfair. I'm sorry. I hope the insurance thing ends up working out and everything goes smoother then you expected.

Eva said...

well, if it's one thing i've learned in the last 18 months while on the wild ride, it's that the show never goes according to plan. and being the control freak that i am, it has been quite tough for me. in the end i've grown so very much. i'm sorry that things are not working out the way you hoped ladies--i know how much that sucks, but i keep teling myself and i hope you will think about this too-- all of this heartache and anst could one day result in a miracle. that's what keeps me going. xo

Travelher and Pufferfish said...

Pfft. What a freaking mess. So glad that you have a plan B. I really hope it all turns. Insurance--a blessing and a curse, isn't it? So complicated. You are very sweet to give me a shout out--thank you.

eggdance said...

I'm so sorry that all of this is going on (but let's hear it for the excellent blood lady)! It makes me so angry that any of us have to "fight" for medical treatment to create our families.

Here's to plans and back up plans and to hoping that you won't need them!

Gia said...

Hey,
EVA mentioned that you ladies maybe interested in the NYC TTC Meet=up group. If you are please email me at gia @ giasjourney dot com.
Thanks!